so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
