I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
