R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just google imaged poop.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
