margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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