if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
