I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Boobs are out for the taking
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
