How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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