U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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