maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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