Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
