my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sorry my hands just texted you
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
