I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
