I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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