There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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