so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
