i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
love makes seman taste better
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
