Can i not drive my cunt home
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
