But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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