Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Every concussion has its silver lining
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
