My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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