those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
