They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
