Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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