pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
