Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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