Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
