Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
