so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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