there's paper in my vomit.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
