I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
