The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
