i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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