you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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