yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
