Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
