listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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