Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
