You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
