Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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