Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
