I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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