so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
