I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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