Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
