My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
