just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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