I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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