i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
