K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
