make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
