i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
