i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Someone signed my nipple.
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